I think it is tough to be a working mom. Though such moments like the one I have described below are few for me, the intensity when it happens everytime is too much to handle. I know every working mom in the world can associate with me on the guilt part for not spending enough time with the child.

My thought on this was kindled because of what happened at home on Saturday. I was feeding Kimaya her lunch. Normally this is the task which the maid completes in 15 minutes flat – for her, it is just part of her job and she has mastered it… With me or for that matter anyone in the family, Kimaya takes the liberty of running around, jumping up and down, spitting what is fed - anything that would test your patience. She was doing the same and I was elated when finally there were only two spoonfuls left in the bowl and she looked full.

My mom looked at what was left in the bowl and commented– ‘Give it to the maid, she will finish feeding it’. I got really WILD. I tend to ignore such comments normally, if it is said once, but if the same is repeated a couple of more times, then it gets on my nerve. Luckily I did not start screaming or show my anger – I tried analyzing the situation when I cooled down. I could clearly see that my mom’s intention was, in Kimaya’s usual meal two spoons were left and hence she should not feel hungry. For me, it was like telling me that I did not know how to feed my OWN kid!

It is not only this, but I feel bad and guilty on several occasions. Since the world is full of working moms and at work I share my feelings with some of them, I try not to be emotional and take any decisions hastily. Advice my fellow friends also to be patient like meJ. This too shall pass!

Can a day have more than 24 hours? I think that’s what we need in today’s world.

I want to spend time with Kimaya, get deeper into the tasks that I do in office, want to learn music, exercise, finish some household tasks, spend time with parents and grandmothers, blog, get some rest at the end of the day and especially weekends. Time just flies, I’m unable to do justice to even the first two in the above line…

I just run, run and run from doing one to another and the thought on the next thing on my mind pushes me to do an ‘OK’ job of anything I do. I know I can excel and do it thoroughly, but time???

I see that most of us prefer watching movies at home over theatres;twenty twenty matches over tests, buffets over elaborate dinner, tinned foods over cooking - shortened versions of just anything (even prayers) as saving time becomes far more important than the pleasure of doing it the old ways. I feel bad that I don’t even have time to talk to my grandma for 10-20 mts continuously nowadays, especially if I go to her place with Kimaya.

Are we really having a better life than our parents/grandparents? With all the improvements in technology, infrastructure, economy, etc., etc.,, shouldn’t that have been the case? I really really doubt it sometimes...

Travelled from Bangalore to Trivandrum by flight on Wednesday. It was around 4:30 pm when we reached the airport and it was buzzing with activity as lots of flights were leaving that time to various parts of India (in a 15 mt duration there were three flights leaving to Tvm itself.) .

Inspite of being called the IT hub and with so many business people from the world frequenting this, the domestic departure terminals facilities - as I experienced were not even of average standard. We had sandwich and puf after security check, in the waiting area and it was stale. Then was the ultimate - the restrooms - No light, flush was clogging, there was no one to clean - yuk! even now, if I think about it, I feel like puking....

Dont know whether anyone has experienced the same, but i heard from my husband that this airport is the worst!

Long time and lots to write... Where do I start?

"Kuzhal inidhu yazh inidhu enbar tham makkal mazhalai sol keladhavar" Says Tiruvalluvar - Meaning "People who say that flute and veena are sounding sweet and nice would not have heard their babies talk (gibberish stage)". Kimaya's speech (if I may call it that!), reminds me of that every day.

When I come back home, she starts narrating everything that happened to her (I assume as thats what it looks like) with all kinds of expressions and tones, i understand nothing of what she utters - but it is absolute fun. She attempts to speak everything she hears and she even sings. I am so proud of her :).

Just testing whether email bloggin works!

Sometimes things that Kimaya do makes me think that this generation kids want to be independent right from this age. For the last one month, when she starts feeling sleepy, she used to sit on the swing, close her eyes and start singing 'ah ah ah ' in the tune that makes her sleep. We used to sing that for her and for a couple of weeks, she was doing it herself.

She is having a cold, she takes her hanky and wipes her nose herself. Yesterday night was the most hilarious one - She normally has her feed at 5:00 in the morning. She wakes up and starts crying and immediately one of us prepares her feed and give it to her. - Yesterday she woke up, she got her bottle and then brought it to me and woke me up! I was stunned. After drinking she did not want to lie in my lap, got into her cradle and slept.

I'm just waiting to see what is next!

Kimaya turned one year as per her tamil star on July 4th. We had a party without involving friends as there are too many close relatives around in Bangalore. In the morning we had the Poojas and in the evening a small party with a birthday cake and all...

What I realised is that Mallu and I had to think, plan, organize with our parents inputs but she was oblivious that it was all for her :) So at the end of the day it is all our wishes fulfilled - starting from the candle that was blown till the dessert - It was all our wishes. Am sure she is not going to like it when she grows big and understands how it was celebrated!

We also tonsured her head in Tirupati on 14th, just a day after her birthday.

As she is one year old now, am just looking back my life after her birth. The feeling is sort of mixed. In the intial months, I really doubted whether it was good decision to have a child! It was painful, depressing and I was extremely stressed by the lack of sleep as she had to be fed several times in the night. Though every site about babies and child talk about the depression due to harmonal change after delivery, you dont realise anything till you cross that stage. I've had fights with almost everyone in the family and have felt that noone cares for me. I've given sleepless nights to Mallu. When I look back, I think why on earth would I think like that and it seems very funny.

Once she started sitting, crawling and babbling, things looked brighter. Nowadays she wakes up only once in the night and my husband and I take turns to feed her. Motherhood is enjoyable now. From 8th month onwards, she is learning lots of things and there have been somany developments - her teeth showing up, she started standing up without any support, tries to make us laugh with her antics and in the last few days she is non-stop walking. It is really is enjoyable and she is a stress buster. Everyday when I come back from work, she laughs and just jumps on me and starts blabbering quiet a bit. For that one moment, all the trouble seems worthwhile.

What I've learnt in so many months is to not believe in perfection. I am doing my level best at both work and home but am not trying to do everything on my own. I've some help at home to take care of Kimaya under our parents guidance. It hurts when that lady advices me what I need to do to make my daughter happy, but am trying not to get bogged down by it and take any drastic decision. I feel guilty when I am not at office when my team is working their asses off, but then again, am ignoring the guilt and try to move on.

One other thing is to get some sort of exercise for atleast 30 mts a day by walking some distance from office, or doing some activity with Kimaya. It makes me feel damn good. Mallu and I have decided that we will have our own space and time atleast once a week. When she was not around, it was there in abundance - we had taken it for granted. Now we realise that it is very very important to have some quality time for ourselves to keep our relationship alive and healthy.

It has taken me really a year to realise that motherhood/parenting is an enjoyable experience if you adapt yourself well and try and be happy with the additional responsibility. Happy parenting...