A Girl has a different life before marriage - friends, family, hobbies etc., etc., From birth till she is married, she leads a different life.
When she get married, atleast in south India, she is strongly advised that she should adjust to everything at her in-laws place. She starts considering his family and friends as hers (dont know whether they think the same in most cases :)). When she is adjusting to all these, a few months, is gone without spending much time with her family and friends. Slowly months become years. First the parents push their children for marriage and then start with the gyan about why kids should be had at the right time etc., etc., and feel so happy and thrilled when they have one. (Again I dont know if the couple feels the same way). After that it is child, husband and the family. And then there is work also to add to the fun.
If it is love marriage, then the years that she has spent going around with the guy is again a period that eats up into the relationship that she would have had with friends. When things happen - marriage, kid, promotions - for a period till the novelty wears off, it is great life. Then suddenly the mid-life crisis starts - what is happening in life, why am I unable to connect with people I used to connect earlier, Is this kind of living the purpose of my life, always stressed and irritated etc., etc., There are some who kind of find the threads back and start living happily. There are some who divert themselves into something more constructive and learn to live the new life. There are some who become unhappy and create a unhappy family.
Some suggestions:
Keep in touch with your friends. Find new friends whom you can relate to and share your thoughts.
Re-kindle the love for the hobbies that you had - be it music, movies, singing, dancing whatever
Take care of your health, eat healthy, do some exercise regularly. If that fails, it adds to the frustration
Control your temper. There are times when a small mole becomes a mountain without anyones interference because of the words used to hurt the other party. It is better it is avoided.
Finally, it is easy to be happy. Just take a few baby steps with out getting into why-should-I-do- why-cant-he-do-the-same game.
After writing this, I did a google search and this is what I found about mid-life crisis!!!!
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Finally I've acted like a responsible indian citizen and I've voted. The want has always been there, but becuase of moving from one state to another for the last 14-15 years I could never vote.
This time we diligently filled up the voter id forms (thanks to the apartment association for co ordinating), missed the first few dates for collecting the id, went on the extended end date (will we ever change?!!!), collected our id cards as the first step.
Last two days spent some time on finding out the candidates (of various parts of bangalore. I should say that it was really tough to figure out which constituency we belonged from the net!) and reading their manifestos.
Went to the booth in the evening as we had to attend a close relatives wedding in the morning. Slightly irritating bit was with your voters id, they could not trace you in the list. They spent some 30 mts shuffling through some 'n' lists to say that we need to go and check out with the next set of guys whether their list had our name! Finally we could find someone we know who kind of recommended for us and also for the congress candidate in the process :) in the next stall and those guys found out our numbers and gave the slips with the serial number and part number. Lesson learnt - it is not alone your id that is important, but also the part number and serial number.
Went inside the hall, got the ink on my index for the first time in my life, did the deed and was all smiles when I came out.
This time we diligently filled up the voter id forms (thanks to the apartment association for co ordinating), missed the first few dates for collecting the id, went on the extended end date (will we ever change?!!!), collected our id cards as the first step.
Last two days spent some time on finding out the candidates (of various parts of bangalore. I should say that it was really tough to figure out which constituency we belonged from the net!) and reading their manifestos.
Went to the booth in the evening as we had to attend a close relatives wedding in the morning. Slightly irritating bit was with your voters id, they could not trace you in the list. They spent some 30 mts shuffling through some 'n' lists to say that we need to go and check out with the next set of guys whether their list had our name! Finally we could find someone we know who kind of recommended for us and also for the congress candidate in the process :) in the next stall and those guys found out our numbers and gave the slips with the serial number and part number. Lesson learnt - it is not alone your id that is important, but also the part number and serial number.
Went inside the hall, got the ink on my index for the first time in my life, did the deed and was all smiles when I came out.
Monday, March 30, 2009
It was another day of general chat during lunch and this is what I've found out. Based on the number of people who participated in the conversation and number of people I can generalise - but to be politically right ;)- I will say that this is what most women do these days:
We take the help that our husbands do to keep us happy for 'granted' big time!
Then we get upset if someday he forgets to do it or relax as he sees no necessity for that task on a holiday or weekend.
Feeling is more of self pity that you have to do what you have to do while he is whiling away his time than he has not done what he normally does!
We expect that if we dont put our shoes in the rack properly, he should do it without pointing out the mistake but at the same time we cant stop ourselves from being angry, upset, use a very unpleasant tone to point it out and on top of it all expect that he should not get angry when he leaves his used clothes on the bed!
Be very patient with any kind of people at office and come and outburst at home and shout at the kid and the husband!
So what am I saying? Is it our own doing that we have so much stress at home and office? May be... think about it. A little easy going attitude and a little respect for the dear ones can go a long way.
We take the help that our husbands do to keep us happy for 'granted' big time!
Then we get upset if someday he forgets to do it or relax as he sees no necessity for that task on a holiday or weekend.
Feeling is more of self pity that you have to do what you have to do while he is whiling away his time than he has not done what he normally does!
We expect that if we dont put our shoes in the rack properly, he should do it without pointing out the mistake but at the same time we cant stop ourselves from being angry, upset, use a very unpleasant tone to point it out and on top of it all expect that he should not get angry when he leaves his used clothes on the bed!
Be very patient with any kind of people at office and come and outburst at home and shout at the kid and the husband!
So what am I saying? Is it our own doing that we have so much stress at home and office? May be... think about it. A little easy going attitude and a little respect for the dear ones can go a long way.
Monday, February 23, 2009
A R Rahman has done it. Being the first tamilian to get the honours! OSCARS for the best score and best song 'JAI-HO'.
We salute you Sir! You have done the nation proud and the entire Tamilnadu happy.
I dont know how much I like Jai-ho over many other great pieces like 'Chinna Chinna aasai, vande mataram, Vennilive vennilave, ennavale, en swasakatre and many other super melodies.
What I heard recently in the theater that gave me goose pimples is our national anthem by ARR - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftD3gDA-5S0
8th March 2009:
Genuine mistake - Not mentioning about Mr. Resul Pookkutty who got the Oscars for Sound editing - one that has happened to entire asia in 80 years. Hats off Sir.
We salute you Sir! You have done the nation proud and the entire Tamilnadu happy.
I dont know how much I like Jai-ho over many other great pieces like 'Chinna Chinna aasai, vande mataram, Vennilive vennilave, ennavale, en swasakatre and many other super melodies.
What I heard recently in the theater that gave me goose pimples is our national anthem by ARR - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftD3gDA-5S0
8th March 2009:
Genuine mistake - Not mentioning about Mr. Resul Pookkutty who got the Oscars for Sound editing - one that has happened to entire asia in 80 years. Hats off Sir.
Am fuming since afternoon today. Reason is this - my cousin sister lost her kid at the last minute as the umblical chord went around the neck of the baby. She was due for her delivery on 25th. Today morning she felt that the baby is not moving. She is educated enough to figure out what that might be, but thought that she will not alarm her mother yet. Waited for a few hours and at around 10:30 had asked the doctor whether she should come for a check up given the situation.
Doc has said, 'No problems ma -may be you will get pain now (?!!!!) so you can wait and then come. Dont worry!'. But my cousin thought that may be she visit the doc in any case and so she and her mom landed up there.
Doctor has checked and then told that the heart beat is feeble, had admitted her in the hospital telling them that she will do c-section. Wont people show some kind of urgency when you detect the situation as 'diminshing fetus movement'? I saw nothing happening when I went to the hospital (I dont know what I should call this place, it is a house converted into a hospital) - my cousin was lying in a cot with her mom, my mom and another aunty around her - every one else kinda know that the baby is gone and they were not ready to tell it to her yet. No nurse, no monitoring and no action. Doc is busy seeing her regular patients. When I went to check with her about what is the condition, she shouted at me that she has already told people and I should go and talk to them to learn what it is! To top it all, there was a power cut and her c-section operation was waiting as there is no backup power of any sort. I agree that pregnancy is not a disease but then it cannot be treated like this either!
Power came at 2, but till 4, operation did not start - must have thought anyway this baby is gone , atleast let me get my daily money - Maddening and saddening. I really really wished that she had stayed in Bangalore for her delivery. Atleast there would have been a try made to get the baby alive. I am told that this one was a beautiful girl child.
We can say all that bull s*** about 'may be this one was not destined to live in this world', ' may be it did something in its last jenma and thats why it did not live', 'may be it is better this way than to have the child for few days, few months, few years and then loose' and so many things like this - but think about this, it is pure ignorance from the mom, mom's parents and the doctor(?!) which has caused the life of this little one. Think of all the dreams that the parents had for the child and the relatives. I can only shed some tears for everyone who is going to be hurt and the little one who saw the world only from the moms womb.
I used to get very irritated about people talking about 'small towns - it happens like this and that' as I'm from one, but today or rather from now on - I will have to think twice before I say anything to defend that statement.
Doc has said, 'No problems ma -may be you will get pain now (?!!!!) so you can wait and then come. Dont worry!'. But my cousin thought that may be she visit the doc in any case and so she and her mom landed up there.
Doctor has checked and then told that the heart beat is feeble, had admitted her in the hospital telling them that she will do c-section. Wont people show some kind of urgency when you detect the situation as 'diminshing fetus movement'? I saw nothing happening when I went to the hospital (I dont know what I should call this place, it is a house converted into a hospital) - my cousin was lying in a cot with her mom, my mom and another aunty around her - every one else kinda know that the baby is gone and they were not ready to tell it to her yet. No nurse, no monitoring and no action. Doc is busy seeing her regular patients. When I went to check with her about what is the condition, she shouted at me that she has already told people and I should go and talk to them to learn what it is! To top it all, there was a power cut and her c-section operation was waiting as there is no backup power of any sort. I agree that pregnancy is not a disease but then it cannot be treated like this either!
Power came at 2, but till 4, operation did not start - must have thought anyway this baby is gone , atleast let me get my daily money - Maddening and saddening. I really really wished that she had stayed in Bangalore for her delivery. Atleast there would have been a try made to get the baby alive. I am told that this one was a beautiful girl child.
We can say all that bull s*** about 'may be this one was not destined to live in this world', ' may be it did something in its last jenma and thats why it did not live', 'may be it is better this way than to have the child for few days, few months, few years and then loose' and so many things like this - but think about this, it is pure ignorance from the mom, mom's parents and the doctor(?!) which has caused the life of this little one. Think of all the dreams that the parents had for the child and the relatives. I can only shed some tears for everyone who is going to be hurt and the little one who saw the world only from the moms womb.
I used to get very irritated about people talking about 'small towns - it happens like this and that' as I'm from one, but today or rather from now on - I will have to think twice before I say anything to defend that statement.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
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