Sunday, October 05, 2008

What is about mom-in-laws and daughter-in-laws? There are different views and different scenarios - From whatever little I've seen in my family and friends circle, I believe no one is fundamentally bad to start with. I, being a DIL, I feel that it is all in your mind. If you really think that you want to make it work, then it will really work and you can enjoy a good amount of friendship/companionship with your MIL. (which is true in all kinds of situations!).

Couple of reasons why the DIL should want the relationship to work 1. We are the ones who are getting into a whole new situation, and hence we should make up our mind to adapt ourselves to the new family, new culture, new restrictions/freedom etc., etc., 2. MILs are atleast twenty-thirty years older and to break something that they have been following for somany more years is not very simple. Easier is for us to have an open mind.

First impression is the best. The moment you build the intial rapport with the small and simple things that you do, (ignoring the jibes or any angry words, if any, during the period), then they also welcome you with open arms. If this is not done, then it is the egos that fight and at the end neither of you are happy and dont forget that there is a man, who you both love the most, who is suffering a greater pain

While we have so many things to adjust, MILs also have to adjust to the fact their sons time/life is not shared by them alone. That is a big adjustment at that age. Again, they are not fundamentally bad - for some, it is the same kind of treatment that their MILs gave, they behaved as expected and hence want the new entrant in the house to behave!, for some, it is their nature, they want to rule the house because they have been doing so for so many years and cant tolerate any change, for some, even if they are ready to adjust, the DILs give them a miserable treatment, they turn hostile! And last but not the least, the friends and relatives who look for an oppurtunity to break the relationship a DIL and MIL share for their benefit.. Beware of those!

There may be some cases, where the fights/misunderstanding are situational - like you have had a bad day and a comment, which on normal days, either of you would have not taken seriously, will become a biiiiiiggggggggg issue. I am a strong believer that if you adjust a little and let them know that you are not going to change their relationship with their son or take away their importance in the family, everything is fine. And also, it is better to have a good fight or discuss things openly instead of keeping it all in your mind and create a disaster at home when u vent it out!

All said and done, it is a delicate relationship and so, handle it with care for your own happiness and your family's.