Kimaya turned one year as per her tamil star on July 4th. We had a party without involving friends as there are too many close relatives around in Bangalore. In the morning we had the Poojas and in the evening a small party with a birthday cake and all...
What I realised is that Mallu and I had to think, plan, organize with our parents inputs but she was oblivious that it was all for her :) So at the end of the day it is all our wishes fulfilled - starting from the candle that was blown till the dessert - It was all our wishes. Am sure she is not going to like it when she grows big and understands how it was celebrated!
We also tonsured her head in Tirupati on 14th, just a day after her birthday.
As she is one year old now, am just looking back my life after her birth. The feeling is sort of mixed. In the intial months, I really doubted whether it was good decision to have a child! It was painful, depressing and I was extremely stressed by the lack of sleep as she had to be fed several times in the night. Though every site about babies and child talk about the depression due to harmonal change after delivery, you dont realise anything till you cross that stage. I've had fights with almost everyone in the family and have felt that noone cares for me. I've given sleepless nights to Mallu. When I look back, I think why on earth would I think like that and it seems very funny.
Once she started sitting, crawling and babbling, things looked brighter. Nowadays she wakes up only once in the night and my husband and I take turns to feed her. Motherhood is enjoyable now. From 8th month onwards, she is learning lots of things and there have been somany developments - her teeth showing up, she started standing up without any support, tries to make us laugh with her antics and in the last few days she is non-stop walking. It is really is enjoyable and she is a stress buster. Everyday when I come back from work, she laughs and just jumps on me and starts blabbering quiet a bit. For that one moment, all the trouble seems worthwhile.
What I've learnt in so many months is to not believe in perfection. I am doing my level best at both work and home but am not trying to do everything on my own. I've some help at home to take care of Kimaya under our parents guidance. It hurts when that lady advices me what I need to do to make my daughter happy, but am trying not to get bogged down by it and take any drastic decision. I feel guilty when I am not at office when my team is working their asses off, but then again, am ignoring the guilt and try to move on.
One other thing is to get some sort of exercise for atleast 30 mts a day by walking some distance from office, or doing some activity with Kimaya. It makes me feel damn good. Mallu and I have decided that we will have our own space and time atleast once a week. When she was not around, it was there in abundance - we had taken it for granted. Now we realise that it is very very important to have some quality time for ourselves to keep our relationship alive and healthy.
It has taken me really a year to realise that motherhood/parenting is an enjoyable experience if you adapt yourself well and try and be happy with the additional responsibility. Happy parenting...
