You know what I found? August seems to be a month of blogging inactiveness for me.. - Consistently for the last three years!!! Surprising... and I dont think I've an explanation for this! Anyway, but what matters now is that am back...
Couple of weeks back, my daughter did not have school in the morning and my husband left her at her day care (WeCare) 15 minutes earlier than her usual time. Nothing was told to him then and nothing was written in her diary for couple of days. Two days later, when I went to pick her up, I was asked 'Mam, when are you going to pay the 200 Rs'.. I was like 'What 200??!!' Her teacher says 'that day you left her 15 minutes early, that one..'
First thought was 'Wow, 200 Rs? Am already paying a bomb compared to other day cares. Not too sure if am getting everything that was promised. I've never come late to pick up my daughter. She comes from school at 2 and spend 3.5 hours while what I pay is for 6 hours and on top of it, am being asked in a rude tone (may be thats the way this teacher talks normally also, may be lack of confidence over the language) for 200 Rs!!!!'
I told her 'Why didn't anyone tell about this to my husband when he dropped her that day?!' Her reply 'This is what it is mam, everyone knows - whether they are doing late pickup or early drop, so much should be paid'.. I said 'Am not going to pay' and walked off.
After cooling down a bit and analysing it logically, these were my thoughts 'I chose to enrol my daughter here despite the cost because of the comfort that I had with the facilities and the way it is run. There were only two packages one was full day or half a day. I chose the half a day. I dont have any other option now as shifting anywhere else mean loosing that admission fee that I have already paid. Do I have a problem paying 200 Rs - No, then Why am I getting irritated? It is because I was not informed about this when my daughter was left there early and am not too sure about whether informed at all as I remember clearly that there is a fine when you pick them up later than the agreed time. and the way I was told about paying did not go well may be because of the mood I was in or the mood the teacher was in!'
So I paid the money and I told them I will not refer anyone as am not happy with this incident etc., (I guess just to satiate my ego :)) and came off...
In retrospect, I think communication at the right time in the right way is what matters to get any kind of relationship thrive or become sour... More about this in the next post....

When there is a problem, there are three things one can do - 1. think of the problem and start sulking that it has happened to me, why only to me, why others are happy and I got this problem etc., etc., 2. think of what would solve this problem 3. Just ignore the problem and let your life go on thinking that such a problem doesnot exist.

#1: I feel that this thinking makes you get depressed, disappointed and create more problems for yourself. So it is a viscious cycle. You are never going to be happy.
#2: Solution oriented. Anything in life works fantastically if you start thinking about the solution. Sure way of being happy.
#3: Escapism. You think you are happy but you never are and never will be.

There is only one life and why should you waste it being unhappy? Live it and Be Happy!

A Girl has a different life before marriage - friends, family, hobbies etc., etc., From birth till she is married, she leads a different life.

When she get married, atleast in south India, she is strongly advised that she should adjust to everything at her in-laws place. She starts considering his family and friends as hers (dont know whether they think the same in most cases :)). When she is adjusting to all these, a few months, is gone without spending much time with her family and friends. Slowly months become years. First the parents push their children for marriage and then start with the gyan about why kids should be had at the right time etc., etc., and feel so happy and thrilled when they have one. (Again I dont know if the couple feels the same way). After that it is child, husband and the family. And then there is work also to add to the fun.

If it is love marriage, then the years that she has spent going around with the guy is again a period that eats up into the relationship that she would have had with friends. When things happen - marriage, kid, promotions - for a period till the novelty wears off, it is great life. Then suddenly the mid-life crisis starts - what is happening in life, why am I unable to connect with people I used to connect earlier, Is this kind of living the purpose of my life, always stressed and irritated etc., etc., There are some who kind of find the threads back and start living happily. There are some who divert themselves into something more constructive and learn to live the new life. There are some who become unhappy and create a unhappy family.

Some suggestions:

Keep in touch with your friends. Find new friends whom you can relate to and share your thoughts.
Re-kindle the love for the hobbies that you had - be it music, movies, singing, dancing whatever
Take care of your health, eat healthy, do some exercise regularly. If that fails, it adds to the frustration
Control your temper. There are times when a small mole becomes a mountain without anyones interference because of the words used to hurt the other party. It is better it is avoided.

Finally, it is easy to be happy. Just take a few baby steps with out getting into why-should-I-do- why-cant-he-do-the-same game.

After writing this, I did a google search and this is what I found about mid-life crisis!!!!

How does a kid get his/her values in life? As parents, what do we have to teach the kids? There are several opinions - some think that they have to teach all that they know and have learnt to their child, there are some who think that the kid should learn on its own as experience is the best teacher and there are some who are always confused about what to teach and what not to teach.

More often than not, I've always felt that it is my values which is being thrust upon my child as I react to things in a way that I know, I learnt and I like and sometimes others also like. Reason being, I know I've acquired only some of the qualities/values because of the up bringing. Others, which is a larger percentage, are what I've learnt through the mistakes I made or by observing others around me at various situations and considering what appeals to the mass or through the books I read. And I feel that schooling is also an important part as if a kid doesnot have a good teacher or good learning environment, there is no good values that is learnt by the kid.

One of my colleague was saying that every time he takes his kid along for shopping - even if it is grocery shopping - he ends up buying a toy for the kid. Reasons can be many but the most important thing is that he can afford it because of the software world where a more than decent salary is being paid.

I know that we dont hesitate too much to travel by air if there is a necessity and we are used to decent hotels, posh residence, domestic helps and two tier AC coaches. Till I joined work, I've never experienced any of those. But my daughter is experiencing what I would have , still consider as luxury at the age of 2. What would be the impression? What will she think if we have to travel by general or second class with people sleeping on the floor and seats dirtied with food etc., etc., What will she think if she goes to a place of a close relative who doesnot have a house with facilities that she has at home? will she ask embarassing questions like my colleagues son asked when they visited her sisters place which had only one toilet and he could not believe that everyone was sharing it?! Will she appreciate the taste of thattu kadai or will she look for star hotels where she can fine dine?

Questions, questions, questions which only time can answer.

Can a day have more than 24 hours? I think that’s what we need in today’s world.

I want to spend time with Kimaya, get deeper into the tasks that I do in office, want to learn music, exercise, finish some household tasks, spend time with parents and grandmothers, blog, get some rest at the end of the day and especially weekends. Time just flies, I’m unable to do justice to even the first two in the above line…

I just run, run and run from doing one to another and the thought on the next thing on my mind pushes me to do an ‘OK’ job of anything I do. I know I can excel and do it thoroughly, but time???

I see that most of us prefer watching movies at home over theatres;twenty twenty matches over tests, buffets over elaborate dinner, tinned foods over cooking - shortened versions of just anything (even prayers) as saving time becomes far more important than the pleasure of doing it the old ways. I feel bad that I don’t even have time to talk to my grandma for 10-20 mts continuously nowadays, especially if I go to her place with Kimaya.

Are we really having a better life than our parents/grandparents? With all the improvements in technology, infrastructure, economy, etc., etc.,, shouldn’t that have been the case? I really really doubt it sometimes...

Kimaya turned one year as per her tamil star on July 4th. We had a party without involving friends as there are too many close relatives around in Bangalore. In the morning we had the Poojas and in the evening a small party with a birthday cake and all...

What I realised is that Mallu and I had to think, plan, organize with our parents inputs but she was oblivious that it was all for her :) So at the end of the day it is all our wishes fulfilled - starting from the candle that was blown till the dessert - It was all our wishes. Am sure she is not going to like it when she grows big and understands how it was celebrated!

We also tonsured her head in Tirupati on 14th, just a day after her birthday.

As she is one year old now, am just looking back my life after her birth. The feeling is sort of mixed. In the intial months, I really doubted whether it was good decision to have a child! It was painful, depressing and I was extremely stressed by the lack of sleep as she had to be fed several times in the night. Though every site about babies and child talk about the depression due to harmonal change after delivery, you dont realise anything till you cross that stage. I've had fights with almost everyone in the family and have felt that noone cares for me. I've given sleepless nights to Mallu. When I look back, I think why on earth would I think like that and it seems very funny.

Once she started sitting, crawling and babbling, things looked brighter. Nowadays she wakes up only once in the night and my husband and I take turns to feed her. Motherhood is enjoyable now. From 8th month onwards, she is learning lots of things and there have been somany developments - her teeth showing up, she started standing up without any support, tries to make us laugh with her antics and in the last few days she is non-stop walking. It is really is enjoyable and she is a stress buster. Everyday when I come back from work, she laughs and just jumps on me and starts blabbering quiet a bit. For that one moment, all the trouble seems worthwhile.

What I've learnt in so many months is to not believe in perfection. I am doing my level best at both work and home but am not trying to do everything on my own. I've some help at home to take care of Kimaya under our parents guidance. It hurts when that lady advices me what I need to do to make my daughter happy, but am trying not to get bogged down by it and take any drastic decision. I feel guilty when I am not at office when my team is working their asses off, but then again, am ignoring the guilt and try to move on.

One other thing is to get some sort of exercise for atleast 30 mts a day by walking some distance from office, or doing some activity with Kimaya. It makes me feel damn good. Mallu and I have decided that we will have our own space and time atleast once a week. When she was not around, it was there in abundance - we had taken it for granted. Now we realise that it is very very important to have some quality time for ourselves to keep our relationship alive and healthy.

It has taken me really a year to realise that motherhood/parenting is an enjoyable experience if you adapt yourself well and try and be happy with the additional responsibility. Happy parenting...

Got this mail today.. Very interesting. All parents should have a look at it inorder to ensure we do not load the children unnecessarily....

Multiple Intelligences (Source: www.thomasarmstrong.com)
The theory of multiple intelligences was developed in 1983 by Dr. Howard Gardner, professor of education at Harvard University, in his book, Frames of Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences, and has been further refined in subsequent years..
It suggests that the traditional notion of intelligence, based on I.Q. testing, is far too limited. Instead, Dr. Gardner proposes eight different intelligences to account for a broader range of human potential in children and adults. These intelligences are:
Linguistic intelligence ("word smart"):
Logical-mathematical intelligence ("number/reasoning smart")
Spatial intelligence ("picture smart")
Bodily-Kinesthetic intelligence ("body smart")
Musical intelligence ("music smart")
Interpersonal intelligence ("people smart")
Intrapersonal intelligence ("self smart")
Naturalist intelligence ("nature smart")
Dr. Gardner says that our schools and culture focus most of their attention on linguistic and logical-mathematical intelligence. We esteem the highly articulate or logical people of our culture. However, Dr. Gardner says that we should also place equal attention on individuals who show gifts in the other intelligences: the artists, architects, musicians, naturalists, designers, dancers, therapists, entrepreneurs, and others who enrich the world in which we live.
Unfortunately, many children who have these gifts don’t receive much reinforcement for them in school. Many of these kids, in fact, end up being labeled "learning disabled," "ADD (attention deficit disorder," or simply underachievers, when their unique ways of thinking and learning aren’t addressed by a heavily linguistic or logical-mathematical classroom. The theory of multiple intelligences proposes a major transformation in the way our schools are run. It suggests that teachers be trained to present their lessons in a wide variety of ways using music, cooperative learning, art activities, role play, multimedia, field trips, inner reflection, and much more.
The good news is that the theory of multiple intelligences has grabbed the attention of many educators around the country, and hundreds of schools are currently using its philosophy to redesign the way it educates children. The bad new is that there are thousands of schools still out there that teach in the same old dull way, through dry lectures, and boring worksheets and textbooks. The challenge is to get this information out to many more teachers, school administrators, and others who work with children, so that each child has the opportunity to learn in ways harmonious with their unique minds.
The theory of multiple intelligences also has strong implications for adult learning and development. Many adults find themselves in jobs that do not make optimal use of their most highly developed intelligences (for example, the highly bodily-kinesthetic individual who is stuck in a linguistic or logical desk-job when he or she would be much happier in a job where they could move around, such as a recreational leader, a forest ranger, or physical therapist). The theory of multiple intelligences gives adults a whole new way to look at their lives, examining potentials that they left behind in their childhood (such as a love for art or drama) but now have the opportunity to develop through courses, hobbies, or other programs of self-development.
How to Teach or Learn Anything 8 Different Ways
One of the most remarkable features of the theory of multiple intelligences is how it provides eight different potential pathways to learning. If a teacher is having difficulty reaching a student in the more traditional linguistic or logical ways of instruction, the theory of multiple intelligences suggests several other ways in which the material might be presented to facilitate effective learning. Whether you are a kindergarten teacher, a graduate school instructor, or an adult learner seeking better ways of pursuing self-study on any subject of interest, the same basic guidelines apply. Whatever you are teaching or learning, see how you might connect it with


words (linguistic intelligence)
numbers or logic (logical-mathematical intelligence)
pictures (spatial intelligence)
music (musical intelligence)
self-reflection (intrapersonal intelligence)
a physical experience (bodily-kinesthetic intelligence)
a social experience (interpersonal intelligence), and/or
an experience in the natural world. (naturalist intelligence)
For example, if you’re teaching or learning about the law of supply and demand in economics, you might read about it (linguistic), study mathematical formulas that express it (logical-mathematical), examine a graphic chart that illustrates the principle (spatial), observe the law in the natural world (naturalist) or in the human world of commerce (interpersonal); examine the law in terms of your own body [e.g. when you supply your body with lots of food, the hunger demand goes down; when there's very little supply, your stomach's demand for food goes way up and you get hungry] (bodily-kinesthetic and intrapersonal); and/or write a song (or find an existing song) that demonstrates the law (perhaps Dylan's "Too Much of Nothing?").
You don’t have to teach or learn something in all eight ways, just see what the possibilities are, and then decide which particular pathways interest you the most, or seem to be the most effective teaching or learning tools. The theory of multiple intelligences is so intriguing because it expands our horizon of available teaching/learning tools beyond the conventional linguistic and logical methods used in most schools (e.g. lecture, textbooks, writing assignments, formulas, etc.). To get started, put the topic of whatever you’re interested in teaching or learning about in the center of a blank sheet of paper, and draw eight straight lines or "spokes" radiating out from this topic. Label each line with a different intelligence. Then start brainstorming ideas for teaching or learning that topic and write down ideas next to each intelligence (this is a spatial-linguistic approach of brainstorming; you might want to do this in other ways as well, using a tape-recorder, having a group brainstorming session, etc.). Have fun!
(Source: http://www.thomasarmstrong.com/multiple_intelligences.htm)

Can you ever be contented in life? Say that " Hey, I've got everything I wanted. I dont need anything more. Am very happy. I thank god for what he has given me" ? I can't say that. Not always. There are a few occasions when the thought that "I'm blessed" has struck me. One of it is when I heard my maid's story.

She is 23-24 years old. She is married for 8 years - Yep, I also did not believe it in the beginning! Her husband is a drunkard. She has a 3 year old daughter, who she has left with her mom and is working here in Karnataka to earn some money for her. It seems that she has had two deliveries - the first one, a boy, died - in the second, she had twins- one of them, again a boy died. Her marriage was a sudden one. The guy is her relative who was about to elope and then everyone in the family decided that they will get him married to her and stop him from eloping with his love!

I really feel sorry for her and to an extent for her husband. She is like a typical tamil/indian girl. She would not say anything wrong about him and has accepted her life as it is and she goes on...

My husband and I were discussing about the attitude of Indians and Americans when a requirement is put forth of them.

A typical indian mentality is to say that it can be done - even if there is a remote sign that it can be done. Americans start with that it cannot be done. Only after a detailed analysis do they commit.

Moment you say that it can be done, you commit. Only when you get down to coding, or just before you release, do you realise that there are 100 things that have not been thought about - resulting into not meeting customer commitments / delay in delivery. At the end, everyone is unhappy one way or the other.