13-May-2010
Day started with lots of tension. Previous day my grandmothers doc had met my brother and explained to him about the fungal infection that she had got which had caused the breathing difficulties. She was put on oxygen and the doctor had asked if something happens, whether we want to keep her alive through life support. It was deja vu for us as the similar kind of situation happened almost 4 years back when my mom's dad had a clot in his brain and our answer this time was the same - No, we dont want her to suffer.
Given this situation, we wanted to take her back to Mettur which is our home town 200 kms from Bangalore. We had to shift her in an ambulance with oxygen as per the doc's advise. Kim, myself and my brother were there at the hospital. Patti was conscious, but was very tired to speak. She smiled at Kimaya, and had her lunch. after that, she told my brother that she is going to sleep and slept off. She did not regain her consciousness after that. After meeting the doc once again, finishing all the discharge formalities, we left the hospital at 4:45 pm.. I was in the ambulance along with Patti and driver and my brother was supposed to follow in the car, but because it was peak hour and he had to go and pick up the other patti and Zeta, by the time he was out of Bangalore, ambulance had reached Krishnagiri.
Though I was slightly afraid in the beginning, after an hour of travel, as her condition was stable, I was very confident. I was holding her hand and singing some of the songs that she likes. (more to control the way my mind getting worked up about the situation). We reached Mettur, and were 15 minutes away from home, I called up everyone to tell that she is still stable and should be ok. Just after a few minutes after the call, She opened her eyes, I asked her 'What Patti, we have reached Mettur and in a few minutes we will be home', she tried looking around and then closed her eyes, her breathing started slowing down - I realised that all that I've heard the way people die is coming true infront of my eyes, and am helpless.. Screamed to the driver that her breathing is slowing down, he came and increased oxygen, then did not tell me anything and asked me how far are we from home, i said, may be a couple of minutes, we rushed home. I was patting her cheeks and was continously calling out 'Patti, Patti'... All the neighbours were waiting to see Patti (advantage of being in small town), they saw me panicking and shifted her to her bed and started oxygen again, but by that time, her breathing had completely stopped and only pulse was left. In a matter of seconds, that also stopped.
Later I learnt from the driver that when he increased the oxygen levels, it actually went back into the cylinder (meaning she was not inhaling) and so he knew she was in her last few seconds.
I just did not know what to make of the situation. Did not want to believe that she is gone, also was feeling that it is good that she is gone without suffering. I've been replaying this in my mind several times since that Thursday - it was as if that she held on to her life till she reached Mettur. More I think of it, the more I believe that if you intensely wish for something , it will happen. She used to tell us that she should die in Mettur and even if something happens else where we should take her back to Mettur to do the last rites and that is exactly what she got.... amazing.
The phenomena in itself - being alive one second and gone the next and also the question about the unknown part of what happens to the 'soul' after that - is still lingering on my mind and will be there the rest of my life!
May her soul rest in peace. We all will miss you paatti...
