My paternal grandmother is once again in hospital, this time specifically for the blood transfusion. Her first one happened in August when we went to emergency becuase she was having fever and breathlessness which we associated with her asthmatic condition. It turned out that her haemoglobin was as low as 6 and the reason after a bone marrow test was found out as leukamia. She was there in the hospital for 8 days, had three units of blood transfused and got discharged.

My husband, my brother and I were told by the doctor that the condition will detoriate very fast because of her age (She is 84) and if she wants to make any trips we should get that done in the next twenty days :(. He said she cannot be treated with intense chemo as she may not react very well becuase of her age and also that we should not put her through major pains. "All we can do is to make it less painful and easy for her" he stated. We all are grown ups, have some level of maturity, know that our grandmothers are getting older and they will die one day, but someone is predicting it, it is REALLY REALLY HARD to digest. Breaking the news to my dad was my job. I had to take a day to digest what was told and then told him as well. It was shocking for everyone at home in the beginning, but we all came to terms with the news as days passed. We treated her as normally as possible and did not tell her about this. Maternal grandmother's heart attack, her hospitalisation and her coming to stay with us also helped in a way as the focus shifted.

Just after a month after her last transfusion, on Thursday, from 12.1 haemoglobin count has come down to 7.1. We have admitted her yesterday for the blood transfusion again. Even though we all are trying to joke about it, I can feel the tension at home. I myself, am feeling afraid. I am trying to tell myself she should be ok. But my head tells me that she wont last long. On one hand I want her to live, on the other I dont want her to suffer too much. As my husband says "The greatest gift that you can get from God is that you are living normally one day and just pass away the next. It might be painful for the near and dear ones, but for the person who dies, thats the best that can happen". I agree with this completely, thats why most part of me is now thinking, that she should pass away without suffering. Whenever that happens, may God give us the strength to handle it.